just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
