You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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