I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
