Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
