You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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