Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
