Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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