Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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