Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
