You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
