She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
