u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
