so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
