Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
