Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
