I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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