You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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