She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
