ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
