i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
