And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
