True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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