i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
