I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i will never coherently bang her
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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