dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
