Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
