and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
