im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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