If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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