he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize