I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
