Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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