She's like a pop up book from hell.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
