This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
