Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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