I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
