margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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