I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
