First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
