He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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