After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
