Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
