just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
