i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize