I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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