O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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