You made me cry and you don't even care
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
