when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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