Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
