When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you win again, gameday.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
