and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
