Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
