Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
