You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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