I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
