I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
