I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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