Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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