Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
