Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
