There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
