yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
