I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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