I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
