I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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