i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize