Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Who put my cat in the fridge?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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