I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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