I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
