birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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