Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
