I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
