You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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