Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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