is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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