When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Two words: blizzard sex
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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