I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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