his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
