when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize