Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
