dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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