Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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