I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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