I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
