is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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