she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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