When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
