drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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