RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize