I accidentally burped into my bong.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
