We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
