What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
