my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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