He kissed a someone with a penis
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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