Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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