All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
