dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
