Acid is not a monday night drug
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
