I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
