FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
