But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
