last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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