I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
