Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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