even my farts smell like vagina
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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