Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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