I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
