what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so let's talk penis.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
