So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
